Canadian Faux Pas (2006 Rugby World Cup)

All the Canadians we’ve encountered have been incredibly hospitable, obliging and helpful. I now feel a good deal of guilt and remorse for all the times I’ve boasted to Canadians about the Wallabies beating their national team in last year’s Rugby World Cup. I also feel rather stupid on account of the fact that most Canadians don’t know what rugby is and that they subsequently don’t realize they have a national team that is on the rise in international rankings. Telling them of our own shameful exit from the tournament would do nothing to right this wrong – it’s a bit like boasting about beating up someone’s little sister. I’ve discovered there’s never a good time to make some nationalistic brags. Fortunately there are no Kiwis around to teach the Canadians to say, “Put it away you silly Aussie wanker.”

When Exceedingly Polite Is Not Enough

4th January

6:30 am Just been on hold for a brief 45 minutes (a shorter session) and the exceedingly polite American Mastercard people have issued me with a number to receive some emergency cash (a two minute task). Early on the second day any semblence of respect for the exceeding politeness of the Mastercard representatives was overtaken by my desperate need for action in the way of accessing my own money and being able to get back on a schedule that was days behind.

Actions do speak louder than exceedingly polite words and no amount of courtesy from the American Mid-West can make up for being on hold for hour after hour. Their Australian counterparts at the Commonwealth Bank lacked the US level of courtesy and proved even less effective. Several long distance phone calls eventually got them moving. It was a day later than originally promised and caused an incredible amount of inconvenience and stress but we're able to make our way to Barry's Bay and get on with our Canadian adventure.

We'll head off in our new vehicle. We are now the new owners of a Jeep Grand Cherokee Loredo purchased from Toronto's leading Albanian used car salesman. The deal was sealed in his Albanian restaurant and was reminiscent of a movie scene, the sort of movie that Marianne doesn't even like to watch let alone participate in.

Throughout this ordeal Veselko and Lenka have been fabulous. With shelter, food and ready transport they’ve supported us and enabled us to make it to the other side. Alongside them was Sandi’s husband, Zeljko, who helped us track down a suitable vehicle within a few short days. Quite an achievement when everything was considered.

We also received wonderful support from Susan’s parents Roger and Jean throughout this time. They then followed this up by taking us up to Barry’s Bay and settling us in

Disney Queues No Longer Seem Too Tedious

2nd January. The militant librarians finally reopened their doors at Long Branch Library and with no wallet on the premises it was on to the local and international phone lines to seek a replacement credit card and an emergency cash advance.

Having started out after lunch and with the sun setting on an otherwise beautiful clear day (a fresh minus 11) I am starting to yearn for the Disney queues. I've worn out two phone cards and I think every one of the Mastercard International telephonists knows my voice and reacts with dread! The only positive to come out of this interlude is an unexpected appreciation for the Australian telephone network. It actually compares favourably, even our automated directories are more effective and less annoying. It's been educational. Here's a tip - immediately end a conversation with anyone who you can't understand or who sounds indecisive. Cut your losses, hang up, redial and hope for someone capable.

The Creatures that Lurk at Night

Happy New Year! As the native Torontorians were setting out to celebrate New Year's Eve and making their way to LCBO (the state run alcohol distribution centres - honestly) I was making my way down to the Long Branch Library to sit in the carpark and tap into the internet in the vain hope that Internet Banking could actually work. It didn't.

On my 12th attempt to convince my Australian bank that banking does actually exist in Canadia and that it was an entirely reasonable proposition to transfer my own personal, real and actual funds from Australia to Toronto I was rudely interrupted.

The car park at Long Branch library is secluded and I can understand that it may look somewhat unusual for someone to drive in and see a lone person sitting in the passenger seat playing with a laptop. I knew that if it were a policemen I'd have no trouble explaining my situation and that all would be fine. Instead of a police vehicle it was a pick up with a snow plough scraping along the fence line. He backed up and started heading towards my uncle's car and even with my limited understanding of snow plough traffic etiquette I knew that it was time to leave.

I tossed the laptop in the back, jumped into the driver's side, drove out and parked across the road. I tried to continue my banking only to find out that the range of my internet link did not extend beyond the car park. I decided to wait out the car park scraping and was preparing to return to the driver's seat when I was startled by two pairs of enormous headlights burning through the rear windscreen and attached to two prehistoric vehicles. Also attached to these oversized anabolic dump trucks were equally oversized snow ploughs, numerous flashing lights and perhaps a mangled bicycle or two.

Just when I thought they were going to drive over me they swerved and pushed a knee high snow barrier around the car. When they reached the end of the street and began to reverse back, I knew that it was time to move on. With frosted windows reversing wasn't an option so I had to try to make my way past the snow ploughs, avoid hidden kerb sides and avoid eye contact (you never know what types drive these vehicles).

Eventually I made my way back to the library car park. Just as I was about to drive in I noticed another vehicle in my spot. It was the first snow plough! I guess cheap internet access is an issue all around Toronto. I gave up and headed home.

It took me a while to get on the main road for all the snow ploughs seemed to have emerged from the sewers to roam the streets late at night. And to think I thought Sydney cockroaches were unsettling. Happy New Year!

Just When We Thought It Couldn't Get Any Worse

Trashed luggage, a race to find and buy a car, open a bank account, transfer money, get ourselves to Barry’s Bay, set up a home and get ready for work. It was going to be busy and we didn’t need any hiccups. We had a hiccup.

My wallet was missing. I discovered on Saturday evening that it was gone so we searched the house, clothing I’d worn and any cars that I’d been in. Then we searched again. When it was evident that it was indeed missing and not on the premises we started thinking about all the possibilities. The next day we searched again and retraced our steps through Toronto. The car yards proved fruitless and the library was closed on Sunday. I’d concluded that I may have inadvertently knocked the wallet off the table while it was in the library and hoped it would be there when the library reopened. The sign on the door assured me that the holiday schedule would have the library open on Monday before closing for the Tuesday public holiday and opening again on the Wednesday. The librarians must have decided that enough good will and holiday spirit had been spent and that they needed an extra long rest and they didn’t open on Monday!

I contacted the police and reported the wallet missing and also the credit card company to put a temporary stop on the card as I’d hoped to be reunited with my wallet early Wednesday morning.

The Great Car Hunt

Saturday morning Petar and Veselko loaded me up with the local Auto Trader mags and we were away. Petar also put me on to the 'Canadian Black Book' which gives the recent sale prices of vehicles sold in Canada. We went to three car yards and I was underway. I was hoping things ware looking up. It was going to be tight but it seemed under control. Petar also let me in on the best internet access for itinerant tramps and I spent the afternoon at the local library trying to reconnect with the cyber world.

(We eventually did get a 2004 Jeep Grand Cherokee Laredo after many trials and tribulations and it has proven to be a handy vehicle for us. The only thing it doesn't have is the 'Cone of Silence' shield that we'd like to use for all trips longer than 15 minutes.)

First Day in Canadia

29th December
Our first day in Canada was a time to reacquaint with family. Veselko (Mum’s cousin) and Lenka began what was to be an ongoing cycle of hospitality that would put Disneyworld to shame. We also caught up with my cousin Kata, her husband Petar and their children, Anton and Marina. Our children connected immediately but that was shortlived as they had to head back to their home in Conneticut. Fortunately (for our children) they were replaced the next day by Kata's sister, Sendi's four boys who came every day thereafter to entertain our brood.

Off to Canadia

28th December
We rose at 5:30 to set off for Canada. I showered and shaved so as not to look like a hobo or any other character that may arouse suspicion and we caught the 6:30 shuttle to LAX. I'm pretty certain that I passed through airport security but was let down by Nic, who didn't shave for the occasion and must have aroused suspicion. Subsequently the whole family got the 'special treatment' at LAX. It fell short of the full strip search, but - yes, rubber gloves and buzzing metal rods were involved. Swabs were taken from our boots, bags and bits before we were declared safe enough to ship off to Canada.

Later that day:
As we fly over the centre of the US and we gaze out the window Nic and I can see everything covered in a crisp blanket of snow. It looks very picturesque and inviting (and not too cold) and I'm hoping that the Canadian snow is equally as benign and friendly. The weather forecasts we've tuned into over the past week have reported huge dumps of snow over the north of the US, of plane delays, highway crashes and a dozen or more deaths.

The flight did get a little bumpier as we approached Cleveland and then a lot more bumpy in the relatively short leg between Clevelend and Toronto where we flew in a much smaller plane and Mar was able to savour every pocket of turbulence. Fortunately the seats are sturdy and her claw mark imprints may possibly fade from them in time. The flight wasn’t too long but the wait for a set of stairs to get us out of our cramped little plane was. All the while we were feeling for the Artymkos waiting patiently in the arrivals lounge.

And while we had a torrid time in the cabin our luggage had an even worse time. One suitcase in particular looked like it had been used for tackle practice by the whole defensive team of the New England Patriots. We took our bags to the Continental baggage claim desk who duly informed us that zipper damage was not covered by their insurance policy. When it was pointed out that the case was barely held together by the remaining straps they conceded that we ought to take them in to their repairer in downtown Toronto. When they finish with our cases I believe their next assignment will be in Iraq to make appropriate repairs there as well.

After lengthy delays through immigration (must've been my inner hobo) and baggage claims we were greeted at the arrival area by my long lost twin, John Artymko and his family. [John is the good looking, mild mannered twin with glasses. I'm the one who looks like a vagrant.] Susan, Rachel and Natalie as well as Susan's father Roger were a welcome sight.

They then drove us to my mother's cousin's home for the typical Croatian midnight greeting replete with homebaked food and ample drinks for young and old. We tried to meet and greet all and sundry at rapidfire pace, well aware that the Artymkos would have to soon leave and fly out the next day. We didn't get nearly enough time with them. We certainly appreciated their thoughtfulness and generosity, they were real lifesavers. It was evident in our brief encounters with the Artymkos (and Roger, Susan's dad) that they are pretty special people and we're so pleased to be able to share our home, our school and our friends with them. We know our place will be in safe hands and that they will also be in safe hands during their stay in Batemans Bay.

Disney Impressions

27th December
Anaheim, Downtown Disney, and the hotel are all remarkably clean and impressive in a subdued manner and do nothing more than hint to American excess. The people are genuinely polite, helpful and interested in Australians (love the kangaroos!)

In an area that is basically desert there seems to be an abundance of water except for in the dry river beds. I don’t know where the water comes from to cater for the 20 million people and the lush lawns but it appears to be abundant. The homegrown cars and the meals are excluded from any sense of modesty and scream out that bigger really is better in the home of the free and the brave. But as I write and gaze out of the hotel window out to the nightly Disney fireworks display that lights up the night sky I try to put it into a perspective that says that it's all okay in this place and time. The food here is, as we were forewarned, generous in its servings. Takeaway restaurants are as common as the palm trees but not always as agreeable to the palate and I may have to renege on my pledge to sample from each and every one of them. After ten days of eating out I think we're all looking forward to a home cooked meal.

The hotel has been a great place to be when not at home and preparing to celebrate Christmas with loved ones. They had free photos with Santa and helium balloons every night as well as hot chocolate and warm apple cider. Other nights there were shortbread biscuit decorating for the kids and carol singers. It wasn’t our regular Christmas but it was quite memorable and quite special but we only got to share it with ourselves.

San Diego Zoo

26th December
Our sixth and final day of non stop California fun and winter sun concluded at San Diego Zoo. We all got on the sky gondolas as soon as we could before the residual scars of theme park rides could scare four of us away. The zoo was a good way for us to finish off. The pace was gentle and they did have some beautifully set up enclosures. I wasn’t as impressed by the giant pandas as I’d hoped to be. The one we saw seemed to pace around a fair bit and the enclosure looked a little confining.

The gorilla enclosure was better where glass windows allowed you to get within centimeters of these magnificent creatures. The glass sided enclosures reached their high point at the hippo enclosure where you could observe the two hippos underwater

To be continued………….

Christmas Day

Our third and final trip to the Magical World (Trademark duly acknowledged) was on Christmas Day and began with a character breakfast in one of the Disney hotels. Chip and Dale were all that were left for us, as all of the A list celebrities (including Goofy) were booked well in advance. This was a good choice as these exceedingly loveable and friendly creatures gelled with Jordan immediately and helped allay some of his phobia surrounding cartoon and movie characters. We also came across Turk, the Rosie O'Donnell voiced gorilla from Tarzan, some raccoon and a very friendly bear (which must have had a small role in some Disney movie and was now doing the breakfast circuit). Jordan loved the bear, was OK with the raccoon but kept his distance from Turk.

Breakfast was delicious and we embarked on what we hoped would have been a nice quiet day at the Park with just ourselves, Mickey & Co and no queues as everyone else was supposed to be at home with their loved ones. Here we learned just how much the creations of Walt and his successors are more loved than actual blood relatives.

Apparently the gates were shut by late morning and no new tickets were issued for just one of the few times in the Park's operational history. There are no official figures released to acknowledge actual crowd numbers. I looked on a fan website which estimated that 80 000 or more was capacity but I'd probably double or triple that. In my experience of huge crowds which include the Sydney Olympics, the annual mass at Medjugore (to which half a million pilgrims arrive) and even my halcyon playing days for the mighty Queanbeyan Whites Fifth Grade rugby union side where the crowds were often eight deep (in the line outs) I would have to rate this crowds as officially massive. The crowd certainly outnumbered the staff by hundreds to one.

No matter, we still had a lovely time, we avoided the queues that were more than two hours in waiting and went back to the hotel for a rest then dinner before coming back in the evening for the much anticipated fireworks display. Unfortunately, for us, Disneyland is very stringent with setting off their fireworks in light of the recent devastating bushfires and some prevailing high winds were a slight dampener for an otherwise memorable Christmas Day 2007.

San Diego Seaworld

24th December
We went to Seaworld on Christmas Eve and it turned out a most memorable day. (The only downside was the silly raft ride where everyone got soaking wet and stayed wet, because of the cool winter weather, till we got back to the hotel late at night.)

The manatees, polar bears, flamingoes and assorted fishy things were all quite interesting. The Beluga whales looked incredible, a few lucky patrons who’d booked well ahead got the chance to be with them in the water. We went to the killer whale show and were most impressed with Shamu and friends and their trainers as they leapt and dived and flipped and splashed. It was one of the highlights of our trip thus far.

The dolphin show had a lot to compete with and you got the feeling that they knew they were playing second fiddle to the big stars of the show. They resorted to cheesy tricks with the trainers, excessive audience splashing and incredibly high leaps in their attempts to astound the audience and they went pretty close. Jordan gave them a thumbs up rating but I’m unaware of what the tourists with the wet digital cameras thought.

We went back to the killer whale evening show which managed to top the afternoon show. It began with a choir singing Christmas carols, followed by a thoughtful tribute to American servicemen and then the whale show under lights. They rounded the show off with more Christmas carols and the lighting of an enormous tower with Christmas lights. Quite a memorable Christmas Eve.

Back to Disneyland

23rd December
Our second visit to Disney was a sellout. We arrived early only to discover that we'd left the tickets back at the hotel. By the time I'd returned half Southern California had made their way in to the Park. Twenty minutes later the rest of Southern California had filed in and the ticket booths put up the 'Full House' signs. We hurried off to the Nemo ride hoping that our early start might get us there with only a 90 minute wait only to discover that those pesky Southern Californians had beaten us to the punch and that the waiting time was double. Undeterred, we got a fast pass for the Indiana Jones ride. Jordan and Ella's reluctance to travel in anything that wasn't shaped like a teacup meant that we had three spare tickets which I magnanimously passed on to an American family (as the Fast Pass wait was now over 4 hours).

Disney really have mastered the art of making extremely long queues appear relatively short. They have series of mazes, tunnels, corners and stairs where you keep moving and get the feeling you are getting closer to the eventual ride only to turn a corner and see a sign that reads, '45 minutes wait from this point'. But Nic and I we're in the fast queue and thought that after 20 minutes of a seemingly endless but very authentic looking underground maze that we were all set to go.

We were at the top of the stairs that led to the ride directly below and the American family was smiling gratefully at us. Unexpectedly the line halted and we commenced waiting and continued waiting and then did some more waiting. 30 minutes later the queue commenced moving and we went down to the point of embarkation only to be informed that there was a problem with the ride and that we'd have to come back later in the day. Thus we began our 15 minute exiting phase where I kept my head straight and tried to avoid the American family that I'd given tickets to so they could enjoy an hour long underground short cut to the overcrowded streets. It would have been worse, though, for all the people in the regular queue who'd already been waiting for well over two hours.

We went back to the hotel for a break and returned in the evening and went to the Disney California Dreaming Park. This was much quieter and we went on some low thrill rides that involved teacups and trains in the shape of bulging caterpillars. Nic was disappointed that the giant roller coaster was decommissioned and Jordan managed to receive a couple of driving infringement notices on the Dodgems. We stayed for the parade but slight winds meant no fireworks.

Universal Studios

22nd December
The next day we sought out Universal Studios and proceeded to explore the dinosaur world of Jurassic Park. The mechanical dinosaurs weren't too unsettling but the 84 foot drop into the water at the end of the ride did reinforce the general state of theme park ride trauma in our two younger offspring. Try as we might we just could not avoid rides or shows that managed to scare the wits out of the younger two.

The Universal Studios tour was naively hoped to be less traumatic but with train wrecks, scary Egyptian mummies, earthquakes and giant apes in subways even the fake 30 year old rubber shark Bruce (from Jaws) managed to further traumatise our Jordie.

The crowds here were far less than at Disney; a welcome respite. Nic was also thrilled that we’d bought an all-you-can-eat food pass and proceeded to get his money’s worth. It soon paid for itself as food and drink prices at all these places were exorbitant and many times more than we found at local stores.